Fart In The Chow Hall

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So you wanna break wind while everyone is enjoying a home cooked meal, huh? Alright you son-of-a-bitch, I’ll see you in the yard!

Shane is a 28 year old skinhead from Idaho. He was in Washington State picking up a garbage bag full of hallucinogenic mushrooms (aka: shrooms). Before he could cross back into Idaho, he got pulled over by a state trooper. Book em Dano! He ended up getting 6 years.

Shane is one nasty dude. He loves ripping nasty ass farts. He even eats match heads because he says the sulfer makes his farts smell even worse. At the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla, he lives in a 4-man cell. The fart games are constant in that cell. As one guy sleeps, another guy will pull down his pants and place his naked ass inches from his sleeping celly’s face. Then he’ll blow his hair back with a hot stinky gust of ass air. The victim of this practical joke wakes up to the other 3 laughing, and nose full of microscopic shit particles. Later he returns the favor by farting in his hand and rubbing it in his celly’s face.

It’s an ongoing cycle that never ends. So naturally, Shane continues his rude antics outside of his cell too. That includes the chow hall. A place where everyone gathers to eat. And not everyone is fond of the “fart game.” Especially Danner. Danner is an old school convict who’s been in & out of prison since the early 80’s. He’s hardly amused and only has one smile that very few people have ever seen. So when Shane let one rip in the chow hall, Danner reacted.

“Come on you nasty mother fucker, show some god damn respect and clinch your ass cheeks.” Tension instantly filled the shit scented air. Danner wasn’t messing around, and everyone knew it.

Shane attempted to save face, “Oh come on Danner, lighten up. It was only a joke.”

Danner replied with more agitation in his voice, “It wasn’t a fucking joke! Jokes are funny. You farting in the chow hall is not funny. Don’t do it again!”

Shane’s pride was wounded by Danner’s choice words. So rather than talk shit back with his mouth, Shane talked more shit with his ass. He lifted one butt cheek off the seat and pushed as hard as he could. His ass ripped the loudest, longest fart anyone has ever heard in the chow hall. Several guys started laughing. Now Danner’s pride was wounded. Danner stood up and grabbed his tray. He said, “Alright you son-of-a-bitch. I’ll see you in the yard!”

Sure enough, that night Danner beat the shit outta Shane. It wasn’t even a close fight. Danner knocked him out with one punch, then proceeded to kick Shane in the head and face. He stopped only after a warning shot was fired from the gun tower.

Moral of the story: Don’t fart in the chow hall. And if you do, say your sorry.

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