Some people just wake up in a bad mood. Especially in prison. So if your celly is a violent felon, you better beware of the things that’ll set him off.
As Tommy wakes up to a new day, he sits up in his bunk. He stretch’s out his arms and yawns. The yawn turns into a moan. The moan turns into a growl.
Then all of a sudden Tommy hears, “Jesus fucking Christ! Are you serious!? Every god damn morning I have to wake up to that bullshit1?” That was Tommy’s celly. His name is Jerry. I shit you not. Tom and Jerry are cellies.
Tom is a sawed off heavy weight who stands 5’7” and weighs 260 lbs. He’s stocky muscle with a decent layer of fat, but by no means is he fat. Jerry stands about 6’1” and weighs 165 lbs. And he has a smart ass mouth.
So Tommy jumps down from his bunk and with one continuous motion he rips Jerry outta his bunk. As Jerry hits the floor, Tommy pins him against the wall then drops both knees on his chest and stomach. The impact knocks the wind outta Jerry. Tommy presses his face against Jerry’s face and asks, “Would you rather I wake you up to this instead?”
Jerry was still trying to catch his breath as he lay flat on his back. Tommy stood up and placed his foot on Jerry’s neck. Then Tommy said, “Listen you stupid mother fucker, I know your in prison for rape. You like to victimize women, huh? And now you’re starting to cuss at me!? I don’t think so!”
Jerry grips Tommy’s foot with both hands to relieve some of the pressure. He struggles a bit, then grunts out the words, “Let me up!”
Tommy presses hard on his neck…”Shut up you bitch!”
It’s still early. Tommy is in his boxers and he has to piss like a race horse. He pulls out his penis and pisses all over Jerry’s face. He screams as the piss burns his eyes.
“Shut the fuck up you rapist before I stomp your face in.”
Jerry is weak and in a haze due to a lack of blood flow to his brain. He’s on the verge of passing out. That’s when Tommy reaches over onto Tommy’s bunk and pulls his blankets onto the piss soaked floor.
Tommy barks, “Clean yourself up…and wipe up the floor too…boy!”
Jerry slowly rises to his feet as he wipes the floor. The second Tommy turns his back, Jerry rushes him. Jerry side steps him as he smashes his elbow onto Jerry’s face. He falls to the ground, knocked out cold. The impact cracks open his head. Blood flows and mixes with the piss. Tommy gets nauseous and passes out. As he falls to the floor, his face lands in the area of Jerry’s cock and balls.
Just then a guard walks by. It looks bad. It is bad.
They both go to the hole. Two days later Tommy gets an infraction. It says he knocked out Jerry with sexual intent. Tommy is found guilty of this bogus infraction. He spends 16 months in the hole.
After that 16 months, Tommy is released to general population. They put him in a cell with a homosexual named Frank. The very first thing Frank says to Tommy is, “You don’t have to knock me out to suck this.” Then Frank pulls out his cock. Tommy snaps! He kicks Frank square in the nuts so hard that they both rupture. Frank is rushed to the ER. Tommy goes back to the hole. This time for 32 months!
Moral of the story: Just be kind to people. The law of attraction is one that will not error.